Inspired by trump supporters rallying again against their own democracy, Em and I have decided we will no longer accept any truth we disagree with and become ridiculous, as it seems to be on trend…..
For the rest of this week we intend to be flat earthers, next week we’ll worship the spoon god and litigate the lib Dem leader for not doing enough to stamp out fork favouring. I’m starting a protest group against
the use of inhalers and antihistamines for people with allergies cos medicine is just oppressive, Em will be claiming she won GBBO and The Voice and Only Connect, my uncle will be identifying as a fir tree every other Tuesday for tax purposes, my sister will levy heavy fines on goods that cross double yellow lines thus making them unaffordable and unattainable, and my mate David will be claiming the throne of the newly established Kingdom of Wales then signing an exclusive deal with netflux for footage of him clipping his toenails.
I will claim that all my enemies (I have no enemies) are paulaphobic as well as paulist, that the pauls of this world have not had their dues, and should become a protected minority and be given as much cheese as they can carry. Em will translate the complete works of St Thomas Aquinas from gibberish into Baltimore urban slang, then compete in the world underwater bare-bummed basket weaving championships under the flag of the Republic of Gallipia.
We may even start our own news show where we repeatedly ask a random super wealthy toff how we are to solve inequality and homelessness (they’ll definitely know), and invite politicians to offer their favourite jam recipes and second property decorating preferences.
I will also be refusing to believe in oxygen, dish washers and the existence of Japanese food..
Carry on..
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