The process of creating doubt in the mind of the victim, doubt that he or she is correct about assessments of the situation or even about things remembered or known.

Undermining the confidence and the self worth of the victim is the goal of the gaslighter, their power and their control is dependent on the gaslightee being in a state of weakness caused by the feeling of doubt. The gaslightee, In their confusion, then will accept the subsequent story (usually a lie) of the gaslighter as the truth of events.

Coercive and manipulative behaviour are signs of a toxic relationship. One must examine the dynamic between partners, or the relationship between powerful individual and subordinate, to identify where this technique is being used. The effect can also be present in relations of equals, where one acts as a doubt caster upon the other, but it is more likely in that circumstance to be for the purpose of the favours of another, a power or opportunity granter. Imagine that in pursuing an argument, one that is witnessed, you may try to get your interlocutor to appear to doubt the validity of the position they are themselves arguing for, this would lead to success in the eyes of the audience. It may take the form of the ad-hominem approach, where the person is attacked rather than the substance of their argument . Persons may not be aware that they are being manoeuvred in this way, we must remember that confidence in self will be low in the mind of the victim, they doubt, as they may have been conditioned to!

The last identifiable stages of gaslighting are the key to what it hopes to achieve, False Hope and Co-dependency keep the victim tethered to the manipulator while they then dominate and control. The purpose must be to use people as a tool of power, prominence, or confidence. Some people gain their power by showing leadership, and this persuades others to follow them, but some gain their power by exploiting weaknesses. When I was in the Army this was known as “candle blowing” (blowing out other people’s candle makes yours look brighter). Wherever we find the gaslight we know we are witnessing manipulation for purpose, because there would be no other reason to apply this tactic other than to drive one person down to make another prominent. The gas-lighter, the doer, is deliberately not using the power of rational persuasion (the better argument) to pursue their goal, we can assume then that they know well that their argument is full of holes.

You doubt that what somebody said once was actually said, even though you vividly remember them saying it, this is because they now deny saying it, and deny it very strongly. If the person is forgetful then that’s okay, if you are forgetful then that’s okay too, but if it is deliberate and designed to make you feel unsure about something that you should be able to rely on, something important, your memory, and if it has implications to you and your mental stability, then it is gaslighting. A cruel and serious form of bullying.

You may think yourself mad as it happens over and over again, you will certainly be made less confident of your own thoughts, believing that they betray you, believing yourself the unreliable source. As soon as you cannot rely on yourself and your thoughts, you must, and you will, come to over-rely on another, and this is where the manipulator wants you to be, it is part of the process of gaining control over you.

I’m describing this because it is interesting and because I have experienced it both personally and professionally. I won’t tell you the details of those experiences, not yet anyway.

Paul S Wilson